Abundance
Today when I had woke up, I sat in bed for a bit and had a little meeting with myself. With the sun streaming in through the break in the white sailcloth curtains, I reflected on what I have and where I am; what I don’t have and where I would like to be. A mini life balance sheet and an informal vision. Many years ago, I was taught about the abundance mentality and metaphorically, a pie was used. My favorite dessert is banana cream pie and I was trying to get my arms around the concept of having enough slices for everyone to go around. In the end, there would be a smaller piece for each person. On the other hand, the pie of life affords everyone a piece.
When I was younger, I would split a pizza with my then wife, Tara. Sitting on the floor, in front of the tv, marveled by the fact you make a phone call and minutes later, a person shows up at your door with a steaming hot pizza. I ate faster and usually ended up with the last piece. Two things happened over time. One is the guilt and health benefits of eating pizza and the other is we were still hungry. Like any reasonable adult, we added a Caesar salad for its health content. I grew up in Buffalo and we both attended Niagara University just outside of Buffalo. It was only right to add Buffalo chicken wings with extra bleu cheese to augment our hunger with a substantial protein. Over the years, the tradition continued with our sons and when they were teenagers, I recall one night in particular asking Tara, “At what point do we get civilized and not eat pizza out of the box while sitting on the floor.” Without missing a beat, about to take a bite of her second slice; she replied with gentility, “This is civilized.”
Being raised by an Italian mother, more is more when it came to food. At fifty-five years old, I still don’t know how to cook for two. I have had large and small gatherings with friends and family and was often asked who else was coming? For me, one of life’s biggest embarrassments would be to run out of food. Thanksgiving has always been and continues to be one of my favorite meals to prepare. More recently, I hosted a party at my apartment in NYC and my wonderful neighbor Linda was helping with it. She was supplying appetizers, etc. I was making a big pot of meatballs and sauce because I can’t help myself. She came into the kitchen and asked why, and I told her I wanted to make sure there was enough. For what army, she asked? The doorbell rings and I asked her to get it and in comes the caterer with more food. She looked at me, shook her head and said, “I know. I’m Jewish. I get it.”
Limitless opportunities in life and in business. In every part of our worlds. Let’s not limit ourselves to one pie. Our lens needs to widen and see the world as a series of pies. When we focus on our blessings and really think about the lessons – that’s what makes a difference. Sink into this. Today a memory came up from two years ago. We took Shane out for his 25th birthday. My immediate thought was - if we only knew it was his last birthday. I started down this emotional rabbit hole. I stopped myself. I shook my head. I remembered the night, sharing food, drinks, laughs, dreams and the service at Del Frisco’s on Boston’s waterfront. It was a magical night and we were blessed to be together and share this time. We passed plates to each other and took bites of each other’s entrees. When we walked out, there were no tables left. We closed the place. We are blessed to have this memory.
Confidence is sexy. There is no doubt when someone walks into a room in a social setting, they are even more attractive. In a business setting, everyone gravitates to that person. They have ‘IT’ and we long to be aligned to that person. Master skills that you have, achieve goals, do things to improve your mind, your spirit, your physicality that enable you to grow stronger, to be more confident and tell the story. Why use debilitating language on ourselves? I encourage you to think about this if nothing else. I want you to see yourself the way I do. Because you are pretty fucking fabulous. Stand tall, wear the new clothes, add some swagger and walk into the room like you own it. Not just the room, but the entire building. Be that person. There is more than enough space for all of us.
Thinking positive is not just forgetting the negative. Things happen and how we respond to it is the choice we make. Breathe through it, it is ok to have a reaction. Allow yourself time and space to process it and decide, who do I want to be? Who am I? We have mentors, we have spiritual guidance, we have faith, we have that person in our lives that we often ask, “What would so and so do?” I have a belief that we need to be that person to ourselves. We are that to others. Ask yourself, “What would I do?” We create our legacy every day, every moment. Seize these moments to build a more positive you every day.
I wonder sometimes why I get into those frames of mind. How I get frustrated with myself. Sometimes it boils down to not just being organized but executing my own plan. We make lists, all of us do whether it be in a calendar, in notes or in our minds. Often those lists are lofty. If you are not making a list, start there. Prioritize. Break it into smaller buckets. No one lost 100 pounds in a day. Lose one every week or two. Apply those principles to your goals. Forgive, re-set, re-fuel and charge ahead. You are not alone on this and ask for help.
I went to NYU for novel writing classes. My professor, the incredibly talented and fierce, Maya Sloan taught me more than just writing. She inspired me and the class to be better people. At one point, we were all reviewing and critiquing our second drafts. We were getting into debates around the table about punctuation. It was getting heated, voices raised. Dressed in her black leather pants, signature black t-shirt with long black hair, she stood up at the end of the table, put her hands gently down, looked over her large frame eyeglasses, and in a deep, soft voice she said, “Stop.” The power of gestures and quiet, I thought is incredibly powerful. She continued, “Do you hear yourselves?” After pausing and standing up a little straighter, “This is fucking amazing. You are all getting so good that we are debating over comma placement and use of a colon or semi-colon. This is exactly where you want to be as writers.”
When we wrapped up the class, she addressed another comment made by a few of us. She said, “Yes, every topic may have been covered in literature. Let me make myself perfectly clear. When you walk out of here tonight, know this,” Pointing her finger at us with conviction, “YOUR voice has not yet been heard. There is plenty of room for your voice because it’s just that, YOUR voice. I want to hear it.”
The abundance mentality.
Add wings.
Be heard.
See yourself the way I do.
Because you are pretty fucking fabulous.
